for this one, I'm pandering to the girls

TOP RED FLAGS TO LOOK OUT FOR
(true edition)

1. TOO SHORT
if he's under 6 feet, it doesn't matter
you are good the way you are, king

ladies, your man doesn't need all that height. people literally cannot control their height

everyone knows anyone who's 5'1" and below is a king! FULL STOP

2. ASTROLOGY NON-BELIEVER
if he don't believe in astrology, HE'S RIGHT

ladies, everyone knows that astrology is 100% pseudoscience. SIKE (ignore this)

everyone knows that your personality is not based off of some stars
nobody cares that your zodiac is a Capri-Sun. FULL STOP

3. BROKE BOY ANDROIDS
if he's got an Android, who cares?
at least he got a phone

there are kids starving in Ohio and you worried about a text colour? stop with the phone racism

like if he's got to set up a WHOLE Zoom conference call to talk to you, that's some dedication
he's a keeper. FU-FU-FU-FULL STOP